Healing the feminine wound: Seeking External Validation

One of the deepest wounds of the feminine (Wounded Maiden) is seeking external validation. In this blog we look at why this is and how to heal this. Read on…

by | Jan 26, 2024 | Feminine Embodiment

 

 

Why do we seek external validation?

We were taught to be “good little girls”, to stay quiet and to do as we were told. It was our caregivers and peers who determined how “good” we were and as such our goodness (and our worth) was externally validated by others. 

When that validation was not received as children, we would feel bad or wrong or not good enough. It was only through the words of praise that we would know we were doing well in the world, in life, in school, in sports or other extra curricular activities.

The problem is that now still, as grown adults (grown women) we still find ourselves looking to others to tell us how “good” we are. We still seeking approval outside of ourselves when the truth is, the only validation of our “goodness” should come directly from us — Sourced entirely from within. 

Healing your wounded maiden.

In wounded “Maiden” we seek validation externally but in “Mother” (mature feminine) we learn to validate ourselves.

This is a big part of the journey of feminine embodiment — Healing your wounded maiden — So that she no longer looks outside of herself for the measure of her worth and her goodness. That she instead stands strong in her archetypal “Mother” (Mature Feminine) able to hold her wounded Maiden and validate herself fully from within. 

This has been a big part of my journey. Growing up the youngest of 3 girls, words of praise were for me synonymous with receiving love. I sought words of praise from my parents, teachers and peers as a measure of how well I was doing and how liked or loved I was by those around me.

Through my healing journey I have been confronted with these patterns time and again as life presented me with situations where I could witness how I was still desperately seeking validation from others. Seeking external validation on social media, through my clients, my yoga students, my coaches, my colleagues, my peers and of course still from my family. I found myself at 40 still desperately seeking my worth outside of myself and feeling so deeply the pain of when that was not received.

This is a wounded “Maiden” trait that so many of us women carry. 

The journey of healing. 

My personal healing journey (and the journey of healing for any woman ready to release the need for external validation) has been about recognising the moments when I’m deep in “Maiden” and choosing to instead bring my inner “Mother” online (my rooted, grounded, wise, mature feminine self) to calm and soothe the nervous system of my wounded Maiden and to access the truth and my inner wisdom that I am inherently worthy and good just as I am.

This is the powerful work I guide women through in ‘Mother’, find out more here.

 As I mentioned above when we were young we were taught to be “good little girls” and in an effort to be just that we would look to our caregivers and peers to determine how “good” we were being. We unknowingly allowed our goodness (and our worth) to be externally validated by others. 

When that was not received we would feel like we were bad or wrong or not good enough.

Now as grown adults (as grown women) we still find ourselves looking to others to determine how “good” we are when the truth is, the only validation of our “goodness” should come directly from us, sourced entirely from within. 

Healing your wounded Maiden is an essential part of the journey of Feminine Embodiment and of the rite of passage from Maiden (Wounded, immature feminine) to Mother & Queen (grounded, rooted, wise, mature feminine). 

It’s time to heal.

It’s time to heal the part of you who seeks validation from others to determine her value in the world and to instead learn to validate yourself from within.

This is part of the powerful work I love to support my clients with in my intimate 1-1 coaching and healing containers. If you are on the precipice of change and know you want to be supported and held as you move through this transition and you desire to do so as your wise, rooted, grounded, mature feminine self then get in touch at support@niamhasple.com.

If you want to learn to heal, download “Mother” my free mini training here.

The Mature Woman knows she is innately worthy and good and doesn’t need anyone else to tell her that — Remember that!

Love,

Niamh x

In my somatic, trauma-informed coaching sessions, we don’t work with the mind to unravel and answer the questions on your heart, the questions that keep you going round in circles caught in ground hog day and unable to move forward. We instead drop into the body and move from there.

The body is wise. It is intelligent and it holds all the answers you need when you take the time to drop in and ask. This can feel easier when someone holds the space for you to dive in. This is my role. To hold space for you to drop into the wisdom of your body and ask the powerful questions that will lead you to your own answers. 

Feeling stuck and wanting clarity and direction?

To book a session, see the button below.

Niamh is a Feminine Embodiment Coach, Womb Healer, Rites of Passage and Sacred Seasonality Teacher, Mentor & Business Doula. Through somatic, trauma informed coaching and embodiment practices she supports women on the precipice of change to step into their wise, mature feminine selves and move from confusion and procrastination to clarity and clear direction.

Niamh helped me gain profound clarity!

I had such a deeply transformative coaching session with Niamh as she holds such a healing and unconditionally loving space. It felt like alchemy on a deep cellular level, shifting emotional blockages into profound expansion and clarity.

 

Elsa Kvarnbach

Niamh is an incredible coach!

Niamh is an incredible coach. She is dynamic, sensitive and powerful. Her efficiency and caring nature make you feel supported from the beginning. I love how easy it is to talk with her and how assertive and direct this style of coaching is.

Natalie Farrell 

Niamh truly is a conscious business midwife!

Niamh’s calming, warm, and compassionate way allowed me to safely dive deep to release blocks and worn out patterns of doing and being. She truly is a conscious business midwife!

Amy Frankel

Niamh has such a loving presence.

Niamh has such a loving presence which makes it so easy to feel safe and open up about anything that comes up in a session. I could also feel her excitement for me and my journey which inspired me to connect more deeply with my own excitement.

Lizzy Guhl

Healing the feminine wound: Seeking External Validation

One of the deepest wounds of the feminine (Wounded Maiden) is seeking external validation. In this blog we look at why this is and how to heal this. Read on…

by | Jan 26, 2024 | Feminine Embodiment

Woman feeling regret

 

Why do we seek external validation?

We were taught to be “good little girls”, to stay quiet and to do as we were told. It was our caregivers and peers who determined how “good” we were and as such our goodness (and our worth) was externally validated by others. 

When that validation was not received as children, we would feel bad or wrong or not good enough. It was only through the words of praise that we would know we were doing well in the world, in life, in school, in sports or other extra curricular activities.

The problem is that now still, as grown adults (grown women) we still find ourselves looking to others to tell us how “good” we are. We still seeking approval outside of ourselves when the truth is, the only validation of our “goodness” should come directly from us — Sourced entirely from within. 

Healing your wounded maiden.

In wounded “Maiden” we seek validation externally but in “Mother” (mature feminine) we learn to validate ourselves.

This is a big part of the journey of feminine embodiment — Healing your wounded maiden — So that she no longer looks outside of herself for the measure of her worth and her goodness. That she instead stands strong in her archetypal “Mother” (Mature Feminine) able to hold her wounded Maiden and validate herself fully from within. 

This has been a big part of my journey. Growing up the youngest of 3 girls, words of praise were for me synonymous with receiving love. I sought words of praise from my parents, teachers and peers as a measure of how well I was doing and how liked or loved I was by those around me.

Through my healing journey I have been confronted with these patterns time and again as life presented me with situations where I could witness how I was still desperately seeking validation from others. Seeking external validation on social media, through my clients, my yoga students, my coaches, my colleagues, my peers and of course still from my family. I found myself at 40 still desperately seeking my worth outside of myself and feeling so deeply the pain of when that was not received.

This is a wounded “Maiden” trait that so many of us women carry. 

The journey of healing. 

My personal healing journey (and the journey of healing for any woman ready to release the need for external validation) has been about recognising the moments when I’m deep in “Maiden” and choosing to instead bring my inner “Mother” online (my rooted, grounded, wise, mature feminine self) to calm and soothe the nervous system of my wounded Maiden and to access the truth and my inner wisdom that I am inherently worthy and good just as I am.

 

This is the powerful work I guide women through in ‘Mother’, find out more here.

As I mentioned above when we were young we were taught to be “good little girls” and in an effort to be just that we would look to our caregivers and peers to determine how “good” we were being. We unknowingly allowed our goodness (and our worth) to be externally validated by others. 

When that was not received we would feel like we were bad or wrong or not good enough.

Now as grown adults (as grown women) we still find ourselves looking to others to determine how “good” we are when the truth is, the only validation of our “goodness” should come directly from us, sourced entirely from within. 

Healing your wounded Maiden is an essential part of the journey of Feminine Embodiment and of the rite of passage from Maiden (Wounded, immature feminine) to Mother & Queen (grounded, rooted, wise, mature feminine). 

It’s time to heal the part of you who seeks validation from others to determine her value in the world and to instead learn to validate yourself from within.

This is part of the powerful work I love to support my clients with in my intimate 1-1 coaching and healing containers. If you are on the precipice of change and know you want to be supported and held as you move through this transition and you desire to do so as your wise, rooted, grounded, mature feminine self then get in touch at support@niamhasple.com.

If you want to learn to heal, download “Mother” my free mini training here.

The Mature Woman knows she is innately worthy and good and doesn’t need anyone else to tell her that. 

Remember that!

Love, Niamh x

In my somatic, trauma-informed coaching sessions, we don’t work with the mind to unravel and answer the questions on your heart, the questions that keep you going round in circles caught in ground hog day and unable to move forward. We instead drop into the body and move from there.

The body is wise. It is intelligent and it holds all the answers you need when you take the time to drop in and ask. This can feel easier when someone holds the space for you to dive in. This is my role. To hold space for you to drop into the wisdom of your body and ask the powerful questions that will lead you to your own answers. 

Feeling stuck and wanting clarity and direction?

To book a session, see the button below.

Niamh helped me gain profound clarity!

I had such a deeply transformative coaching session with Niamh as she holds such a healing and unconditionally loving space. It felt like alchemy on a deep cellular level, shifting emotional blockages into profound expansion and clarity.

 

Elsa Kvarnbach

Niamh is an incredible coach!

Niamh is an incredible coach. She is dynamic, sensitive and powerful. Her efficiency and caring nature make you feel supported from the beginning. I love how easy it is to talk with her and how assertive and direct this style of coaching is.

Natalie Farrell 

Niamh truly is a conscious business midwife!

Niamh’s calming, warm, and compassionate way allowed me to safely dive deep to release blocks and worn out patterns of doing and being. She truly is a conscious business midwife!

Amy Frankel

Niamh has such a loving presence.

Niamh has such a loving presence which makes it so easy to feel safe and open up about anything that comes up in a session. I could also feel her excitement for me and my journey which inspired me to connect more deeply with my own excitement.

Lizzy Guhl

Niamh is a Feminine Embodiment Coach, Womb Healer, Rites of Passage and Sacred Seasonality Teacher, Mentor & Business Doula. Through somatic, trauma informed coaching and embodiment practices she supports women on the precipice of change to step into their wise, mature feminine selves and move from confusion and procrastination to clarity and clear direction.